Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Supplements That Don't Suck: Pre-Workout's That Won't Make You Have a Heart Attack: Part 1: Jak3d Is Stupid.

There is a pretty big difference between real-life and training-life. For example, real-life problems are rarely solved with bench pressing...

... unless you are in a situation where you are trapped, holding a bed of nails under another guy who is bench pressing a telephone pole. If this is a common scenario in your life, I want to start hanging out with you.

Real-life is stressful, mind numbing, unsatisfying, and can seriously drag you down when needing to go full-blown Incredible Hulk in the weight room or on the field. If when it comes time to train for the day and you are dragging ass because your life is miserable, odds are, training will not be optimal that day. This leaves you with two options:

1. Burn all forms of identification, get expensive plastic surgery, and start a new life somewhere else (because you failed at the one you are living now).

or, and more practically,

2. Get a quality pre-workout supplement.

Here is a little disclaimer: I have no ties to any supplement companies... probably because I am outwardly loud spoken about how 99% of the stuff is bullshit anyway. Also, I would never recommend anything that I wouldn't take myself. Which, as you are about to find out, the list of things that I consider worth taking is not very long. Time to start up the Bullshit Detector:

Jak3d... and Pretty Much Everything Else With DMAA

This is really going to piss off every meathead on Earth because you can't walk into any gym in America without seeing at least one jerk-ass chugging this stuff out of a shaker cup. Even though the 'hardcore' looking label spouts all of the University baked research to prove Jak3d is the bees knees, the main active ingredient, 1,3-dimethylamylamine(DMAA), leaves me with some questions.

Question#1: What does DMAA do?


Basically, DMAA raises your rate pressure product(a way to measure stress on the heart, i.e. higher=dying) and blood pressure... two things that can be accomplished, sans laboratory grown amphetamines, by doing a 10 minute warm-up. The thing that interests me about this study is the conclusion:

"Conclusion: We report for the first time that acute ingestion of 1,3-dimethylamylamine alone and in combination with caffeine results in an increase in SBP, DBP, and RPP without an increase in HR. The largest increase is observed at 60 minutes post-ingestion of C + G 75 mg. These changes cannot be explained by circulating plasma norepinephrine and epinephrene."

This tells me that the laboratory scientists that do research and conduct studies for a living, HAVE NO IDEA WHAT DMAA DOES. All they concluded was taking DMAA put more stress on your heart by completely avoiding the normal mechanisms that cause stress on your heart. This is absolutely terrifying to me. I compare it to sitting down and looking at the most delicious cheeseburger ever created and it was made just for me. Then all of a sudden, the burger disappears and I get the shitty, post-gigantic cheeseburger, can't move or breathe normally for a few hours feeling without even getting to enjoy a single bite.

Question#2: But, I'm a dumbass meathead and don't care about my health, will DMAA help me perform better?
No, dumbass:


Question#3: Will it cause me to fail a drug test?

Although DMAA is not a World Anti-Doping Agency banned substance, it will show up positive for amphetamines:


Question#4: But, everybody I know is taking it. How can it not work?

Well, either everyone you know is stupid or they are secretly going to underground raves and dance clubs all night.


Yes, that says DMAA is a common 'party-pill'... this pretty much explains that stupid Techno Viking video, I guess:

Just down some Jak3d, it will make all 10 hours of that video go by much faster.

Question#5: I just had my first Cardiac Event from Jak3d. What do I do now?

Go here and join the ever growing list of other people Jak3d and DMAA is killing:

Hated on Jak3d a little longer than I planned. Part 2 will cover things that will actually help, not just shit talking on what won't.

Solum Per Exitum.


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